Monday, July 24, 2006
Chatting with my friend, ec, on msn messenger. Makes me feel that there is something wrong with young Singaporean. At least those friends around me seem so. It is like there is a lack of motivation and loss of direction in LIFE. Ya, the big word. Wonder why is it so.
Unstable. My friend had said of me. I guess it is true. There is always something stuck in me, something bad like a cancer tumor which makes me feel low. I always have the urge to cry. But it is hard to cry. I do not like crying. But I still feel like crying. F*ck, what am I talking about. Must be going crazy.
It is not too bad to be crazy. When the mind goes jumbles up everything is in a daze, unable to feel or think of anything, except everything looks hilarious all around, lightness in the head, floating in midst of everything as if is on drug.
When I thought life had reached the lowest point, it got even lower. Lower and lower it went, spiralling down into the black hole. Just when I thought it would never end, "THUD", I had hit the bottom. Ok, so be it, I stood up and brushed myself off and moved forward. Thought it would be rising since I was at the lowest point already. It remained level for a very long time, until I felt it began to rise ever so slightly. After sometimes I was tired out, for it was never a easy tasks of going uphill. Thought I was desperate to get up and out of the black hole, I was lack of strength to continue. I sat down for a rest, but fighting the urge of lying down, afraid I would venture into the dreamland and never woke up again, my body dissipated into the darkness around me. Just as I was beginning to relax a sudden realisation came to me, like a slap to my face, that I had fallen into a hole dug by myself. Panic-strickened, I struggled to stand up, only to slide back into the hole. I stayed still, and the sinking stopped. I would deal with this calmly,step by step, slowly, slowly...
...i will see the sunrise again, the eternal beauty.
it is just sooner or later
1:01 PM
