Saturday, June 03, 2006
Maybe it is hard for people to understand me.I don't even understand myself.Just like now I cannot find any reason to sleep. Two more hours and I will be at my office preparing for work. And just a few hours before I had met my poly friends for a short gathering. We had our dinner together and some chat. After clearing the bill and left the restaurant (hope the manager would not remember us, but we will sure remember him), the four of us, jess, jf and xy, were at loss of what to do. Just like when we were deciding what to eat earlier. [Remind me of those days when we were working as a group and would always face with new dilemmas everytime during our group meeting. Thinking of it now really surprise myself how have I graduated from a school which I despised.] xy suggested pool, the other two were not interested, thus we just stroll around aimlessly. Guess if I were not there those girls would definitely went shopping and lived happily after for last night. Haiz... Maybe I really should not be there after all. Though the laughers and chit-chatting of the girls were still there, how come it felt so different from me? If a spot has smeared a plain paper, the paper will never be plain again. Changes had befell upon us all. Personalities, appearances, attitudes toward one another, friendships and more. Somehow I could not find the sense of belonging to the group anymore, back to the time when we had just met and acquainted. It had been lost since I left the group for the first time unwillingly. And it just felt differently afterwards, even after I had returned. The only thing that was familiar with me was jf, whom I knew the longest.
I found out that what is most beautiful in life are simple things. For me it is just the pure sensations when I was with true friends, friends being together just for the sake of being together. And the well-beings of the ones I really care for, and the serenity and quietness of the night, and the presence of the girls I love.
But sometimes, strangely, these simple things are actually hardest to get.
I regret not cherishing them.
it is just sooner or later
4:03 AM
